This week I've been on half term (a one week mid term holiday)
Amongst relaxing and doing a bit of revision,
I've also been able to spend some really quality time reading the Bible.
Back a while... when God helped me see how important my school work and study was, I made alot of changes to where I spend my time. That's been really good but I still have a bit of work to do. One of the things being I've not got any set time for serious Bible reading.
Spending quality time in the Word has kind of become a "once in a while" issue. So I've got a little more unstable I guess, emotionally.
I've had a lot more ups and downs because my vision of where I stand with God has become more clouded in my own mind.
But God has used His Word over this half term to re-establish faith in me. To encourage and edify me.
So I've written this thing - bit like a psalm
It's seriously long - but hey - you don't need to read it all...
This is what Your Words are to me God...
They are what I crave when I waver, when I'm weak
They are the confidence I need
Steadiness birthed from faith
From the faith in You that comes from hearing Your Words
Your absolute Words that clarify...
They bring light to me
Life to me
Comfort and hope to me
Love to me.
Your Word is powerful.
You God, can arrest my swimming mind...
and take contol
You sort and sift my anxious thoughts.
They cannot resist Your grip
Givng me truth, understanding and peace
You decifer right from wrong
You bring definition and exactness
God I need Your absolute Word
I crave true revelation of You
It is bread to me
without knowledge of You, of who You are, of the love You share
I feel I will fall apart
...Without Your light I fumble in the dark
I cannot find You with my own thoughts
I cannot understand You on my own -
I hang on
hinge on
what You say
About You...
I want to know You in the now
More than that...I want to grow in You
I want consistancy - to walk with You LORD
You are always right
Always true
Always You
Yesterday and Today You are the same
Tommorrow You are already there, my constant
My Redemer lives and He is forever
Who can take Him away...?
Although I do not fully understand You yet...
You understand me LORD.
You hear my silent thoughts - even when I am too hurting to pray aloud.
When I don't speak You hear me
You hug me and You speak to me when I am angry with myelf.
You tell me You love me when I doubt You
You bring faith to life in me.
Authorship...
You are my author
You create life in me
You plant love in me for You
Whenever things get tough and I am brought down to basics
Then I see that You are the only one,
The only one who I can rely on
You are beautiful
You make my heart yearn after you
Like David I thirst for You, but...
I want to express that and live it out.
I want to be true to You always
I hate being imperfect...
so why do I follow imperfection at times..?
I want to be a worshipper
Althouth it's hard to see how I will get better
Although it can feel that I am consistantly sinful
Although I feel I will never improve...
Your love is greater and stronger!!!
This is what Your word says...
Philippians 1:6
being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
(New International Version)
But I know that You have done work in my life LORD
things have got better
You have been with me...
Thank You for starting something in me God
Thank You that You will carry it on to completion
Unitl that day when You come to get me LORD
I believe that You will come and get me one day
Even when it feels I am not good enough
I want to trust You still
Because You Jesus, have paid my debt and made me acceptable to God
Thank You Jesus
I need God's Words to hold onto
The Bible says this of You
John 1:14
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
(New International Version)
You are the Word
The perfect revalation of who God is
Thanks for being there - full of grace and truth
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Devotion...
As a Christian what do I want to be...?
completely sold out
consistantly obediant
willingly obediant
devoted to serving God
How hard it is to live a life that is as beautiful as that.
Only Jesus captured that perfectly. He managed to live that life where we couldn't because of sin. He followed God's will over His own right to the cross where He took my sins onto Himself so I could know God. God must have such a massive heart for people to be willing to do that for us.
Now as a Christian, trusting in what Jesus did, I am called to clothe myself with Christ, and be His ambassodor to a largely lost world.
But sometimes I worry, how am I going to be able to emulate Jesus's devotion and commitment. It's something in my heart that I want to attain but is so hard at times. I want to be beautiful for God just like Jesus was.
Psalm 22 reveals something to me here...
Psalm 22 is prophetic of Jesus's crucifixion. Jesus's voice rings through the verses - it is a prayer to God capturing the heart of what was happening on the cross as Jesus hung there. As Jesus took the sins of the whole world onto Himself, He is spearted from God His Father because of them.
(verse 1) My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from the words of my groaning?
(New International Version)
Jesus is confused and feeling alone - feeling the pain that sin causes
The whole Psalm echoes what He is feeling and going through. It becomes so clear of just how vunerable and helpess and scared Jesus feeling without God.
Then in verse 10, He says this
From birth I was cast upon you;
from my mother's womb you have been my God.
(New International Version)
that phrase "cast upon you" is what grabs me
It paints a picture of absolute dependancy on God.
Jesus was like a baby dependant on God His Father for every last breath.
Every inner need for love, for strength, for affection had to be met by God. Without God, Jesus life ebbed - He was exposed confused and bewildered.
Here we get a glimpse of the depth and sincerity in Jesus relationship with God.
God was His life - His all.
I think this is what created such devotion in Jesus
At the centre of His devotion.... was dependancy
So in my life
The centre of my devotion myst be depndancy, of the same depth.
Obediance to God comes from depndancy of His love and strength.
Dependancy implies faith
So I need to learn to trust God and His words - and Hold to to them as holy above anything else.
God first... me not
God help me be aware of You always
I want to be depndant on You
I want to know You more
I want to know Your heart
I want to be cast upon You - unable to function without You
completely sold out
consistantly obediant
willingly obediant
devoted to serving God
How hard it is to live a life that is as beautiful as that.
Only Jesus captured that perfectly. He managed to live that life where we couldn't because of sin. He followed God's will over His own right to the cross where He took my sins onto Himself so I could know God. God must have such a massive heart for people to be willing to do that for us.
Now as a Christian, trusting in what Jesus did, I am called to clothe myself with Christ, and be His ambassodor to a largely lost world.
But sometimes I worry, how am I going to be able to emulate Jesus's devotion and commitment. It's something in my heart that I want to attain but is so hard at times. I want to be beautiful for God just like Jesus was.
Psalm 22 reveals something to me here...
Psalm 22 is prophetic of Jesus's crucifixion. Jesus's voice rings through the verses - it is a prayer to God capturing the heart of what was happening on the cross as Jesus hung there. As Jesus took the sins of the whole world onto Himself, He is spearted from God His Father because of them.
(verse 1) My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from the words of my groaning?
(New International Version)
Jesus is confused and feeling alone - feeling the pain that sin causes
The whole Psalm echoes what He is feeling and going through. It becomes so clear of just how vunerable and helpess and scared Jesus feeling without God.
Then in verse 10, He says this
From birth I was cast upon you;
from my mother's womb you have been my God.
(New International Version)
that phrase "cast upon you" is what grabs me
It paints a picture of absolute dependancy on God.
Jesus was like a baby dependant on God His Father for every last breath.
Every inner need for love, for strength, for affection had to be met by God. Without God, Jesus life ebbed - He was exposed confused and bewildered.
Here we get a glimpse of the depth and sincerity in Jesus relationship with God.
God was His life - His all.
I think this is what created such devotion in Jesus
At the centre of His devotion.... was dependancy
So in my life
The centre of my devotion myst be depndancy, of the same depth.
Obediance to God comes from depndancy of His love and strength.
Dependancy implies faith
So I need to learn to trust God and His words - and Hold to to them as holy above anything else.
God first... me not
God help me be aware of You always
I want to be depndant on You
I want to know You more
I want to know Your heart
I want to be cast upon You - unable to function without You
Sunday, February 13, 2005
from forgiveness to compassion...
Hello to everyone once again
Just a short post today - sorry it's so late :p
Over the year and a bit since I became a Christian, since God grabbed a hold of me to be His child - I've had so many times when I've messed up and stuff. But God has always been there perfecting me and growing me.
Not only to be a better person, but also to know more of His love and forgiveness.
Whenever I get things wrong, it seems that every time God roots grace even deeper in me. Over time I've learn't so much more about how deep His love goes and about the intense compassion He has on me. I learn that there are many many areas where I am too weak to help myself or to see my God birthed aspirations come to life. God also roots in me a dependancy on Him - just like a baby is so completely helpless on it's own - so I am without God.
Through all of this I feel broken even more inside for other people. More than ever before I feel compassion for them where they are.
The other day I realised that what I want to impart to them... is only what God has shared with me. If I was to capture that it would be like this.
I would want to find someone who feels and thinks they are a complete loser. Someone who feels a failure, a reject, and looked down upon. Somene who's downtrodden and depressed.
- I'd get them and give them a massive hug
That's what I feel like God has done with me. And I want to let someone else know that God loves them in them same way.
I only feel so powerless to do that on my own. I can't soak someone in compassion to the point where they begin to cry. I know God can.
So I am driven into prayer for people - taking them to God and telling Him what is in my heart for them.
So here I am again - at God's feet once again - as always...
He is my God
He is who I turn to
Anyway - must go
God bless to you all
Just a short post today - sorry it's so late :p
Over the year and a bit since I became a Christian, since God grabbed a hold of me to be His child - I've had so many times when I've messed up and stuff. But God has always been there perfecting me and growing me.
Not only to be a better person, but also to know more of His love and forgiveness.
Whenever I get things wrong, it seems that every time God roots grace even deeper in me. Over time I've learn't so much more about how deep His love goes and about the intense compassion He has on me. I learn that there are many many areas where I am too weak to help myself or to see my God birthed aspirations come to life. God also roots in me a dependancy on Him - just like a baby is so completely helpless on it's own - so I am without God.
Through all of this I feel broken even more inside for other people. More than ever before I feel compassion for them where they are.
The other day I realised that what I want to impart to them... is only what God has shared with me. If I was to capture that it would be like this.
I would want to find someone who feels and thinks they are a complete loser. Someone who feels a failure, a reject, and looked down upon. Somene who's downtrodden and depressed.
- I'd get them and give them a massive hug
That's what I feel like God has done with me. And I want to let someone else know that God loves them in them same way.
I only feel so powerless to do that on my own. I can't soak someone in compassion to the point where they begin to cry. I know God can.
So I am driven into prayer for people - taking them to God and telling Him what is in my heart for them.
So here I am again - at God's feet once again - as always...
He is my God
He is who I turn to
Anyway - must go
God bless to you all
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Painting a picture...
Let me paint a picture
A picture of a Father and His child
A 16 year old kid - and of His Saviour
This kid is someone who finds forgiveness a difficult concept
Someone who finds it hard to see the bright side
They spend so long trying to be perfect
Trying to be strong for their Saviour...
Their obsatcle is themself
Although their passion is birthed form God
They wrestle with self imperfections
The passion and dream inside is so hard to bring to reality
They feel so weak and yet want to do so much
They want to take on the world and see so many saved
But they find their own salvation hard to understand at times
Wanting to be at the finish line
But feeling to rubbish to run the race
Yet God calls them on
He does not hate them
But His heart burns with love for them,
Even though they don't always understand.
This God is broken over them
So much so that He gave His Son for them
to restore them to Himself
He holds them in His hand when they are about to fall apart.
He holds them close when they are too tired to think
His words bring clarity and exactness to their confusing mind
His love cracks the shell they are in
and their torn emotion and feelings spill out
they cry
and God holds them
This God doesn't leave them helpless
But sees that they are too weak to save themselves
in compassion He loves them still
He promises to sanctify them
To make them into His image
To make them like His Son.
This God doesn't give up on His children
He is the strength they don't have
He is their comfort in a sharp world
He is their truth when their are surrounded with lies.
He speaks truth to them and sets them free from their sin
This God is Holy and beautiful
But He is not afraid to reach out and touch those who are stained
He embraces them and makes them clean again
He lets them know that they are weak in themselves
But that He is with them
That they do not need to be strong themsleves
and indeed they cannot
But instead urges them to dependance on Him
Their only one
Their Lord
Jesus their light, their friend, their co-sufferer
This kid is me
This friend their Saviour is Jesus
The picture goes on
till next time...
A picture of a Father and His child
A 16 year old kid - and of His Saviour
This kid is someone who finds forgiveness a difficult concept
Someone who finds it hard to see the bright side
They spend so long trying to be perfect
Trying to be strong for their Saviour...
Their obsatcle is themself
Although their passion is birthed form God
They wrestle with self imperfections
The passion and dream inside is so hard to bring to reality
They feel so weak and yet want to do so much
They want to take on the world and see so many saved
But they find their own salvation hard to understand at times
Wanting to be at the finish line
But feeling to rubbish to run the race
Yet God calls them on
He does not hate them
But His heart burns with love for them,
Even though they don't always understand.
This God is broken over them
So much so that He gave His Son for them
to restore them to Himself
He holds them in His hand when they are about to fall apart.
He holds them close when they are too tired to think
His words bring clarity and exactness to their confusing mind
His love cracks the shell they are in
and their torn emotion and feelings spill out
they cry
and God holds them
This God doesn't leave them helpless
But sees that they are too weak to save themselves
in compassion He loves them still
He promises to sanctify them
To make them into His image
To make them like His Son.
This God doesn't give up on His children
He is the strength they don't have
He is their comfort in a sharp world
He is their truth when their are surrounded with lies.
He speaks truth to them and sets them free from their sin
This God is Holy and beautiful
But He is not afraid to reach out and touch those who are stained
He embraces them and makes them clean again
He lets them know that they are weak in themselves
But that He is with them
That they do not need to be strong themsleves
and indeed they cannot
But instead urges them to dependance on Him
Their only one
Their Lord
Jesus their light, their friend, their co-sufferer
This kid is me
This friend their Saviour is Jesus
The picture goes on
till next time...
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