Christmas Time

hello fellow bloggers
It's Christmas time again. I broke up from school today and will be glad to not have any pressure to work for a while. Having said that, I have mock exams in February so I do need to do some significant revsion over Christmas. I also have an art project which I seriously need to get on with as well and have been putting off for far too long. Generally I need to apply myself much more than I have been recently.

Usually when I tell people that they smile and think that I am too hard on myself... but inside I know that that just isn't true. Whilst creating the impression of being a hard working individual, I play host to a seriously lazy attitude which i need to address in a sustained way. On occasion I really deal with it (like when I have exams in a couple of weeks) but afterwards I slip back into a cycle of laziness. That's not the way i should be as a Christian. I should maintain what I have worked towards instead of letting standards slip.

Philippians 3:16 (New International Version)
"Only let us live up to what we have already attained"

So onward I need to go, pressing on towards the goal and not becoming overly discouraged if I do slip up. That's what I really need to work at, being strong in God's grace so I don't give up the minute I step out of line and sin. I need to be persevering in walking with God.

Anyway, I'm off skiing on Friday with my family which should be great, I just need to keep up the revising at the same time.
See you after Christmas everyone

I belong to the LORD

I belong to the LORD
He is my Refuge
I call to Him
In my time of distress
And He Saves me

I say
"I have nothing else to cling on to.
To whom else shall I go?
You Have the Words of Eternal Life
So I will put my trust in You"

You then graciously Save me
In Your great Mercy Welcome me
that I may enter Your rest
And I understand that You Love me

God...
You're an Amazing God
And the Only True God
You Are most Worthy of Praise
Your Love is Unfailing
You're the Rock I can trust in

What will they think

When I'm afraid of standing out and being different
What will they say or think
How will they judge me
Will I fit in

...Do not be afraid of any man, for judgment belongs to God...
Deuteronomy 1:17

It is how God sees me that counts
What HE thinks and says
The judgments HE pronounces
HE Lives
HE sees me
HE is my Refuge
my Friend when I'm laughed at

The Good News

Good News
That’s Your message

You sent Your one and only Son
Who was Holy and blameless
He was the One Truth, and the One Way
He was the Life
And Reconciled us to You

Your Gospel;
A message that we’re forgiven
And our debt has been fully paid
I’m favoured by You
And You’re not angry with me

Now I’m really free
To live that dream
Of walking in Your Ways

I’ll remember Your Promise
And not cling to the past
I’ll pick up my mat and walk
And leap for Joy
“Thanks be to God for what You've Done for me!!!”

When I stumble and the past bars its teeth
I’ll remember I’m free to Live the Dream
And I’ll look to You
And trust in Your Grace
Humbled I move on
holding Your Hand tight

Cos I need You
And You’re coming soon
My life is short
I wanna make it count

I’ll cling Your Words
And try and pray to You all the time
From when I wake to when I sleep
Would You be my only Goal
And my Strength to carry on

Let’s bear Your Fruit
For God is for me and not against me*
You have given me peace
I know I’m Loved by You
I’m Your Child, and I’ll smile up at You My Father

Jesus...

The One I look to

The LORD is Salvation

Romans 8:31 (New International Version)

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?

Something

It's not enough
to claim to repent
God wants obediance
not lies

If i was really sorry
I would get my act together

If I'm set free from sin
Then why do I flirt with it
like a wayward wife

I need to take control
of my act and my tongue
be slow to speak
live like Your Son

I need to carry my cross
EACH DAY !!!
and go that extra mile
to live for You and
serve You gladly with a smile

I ought to have more than good intentions
I need to bear fruit
good fruit

...

I have sat here discouraged long enough
I need to get up and walk
and obey Your word

I'll trust in Your Love
that never fails
and clothe myself in Christ's attitude
and refute the accusations brought against me
for forgiven sin

I've been wasshed in Your Blood
Now I live for You
I'll strain on forward
and forget the past
Your Love... Your Grace is enough

Set my eyes on the prize
look into Your eyes
and Live what is my heart's desire
to know You more

hey everyone

hey I haven't posted in a while
I hope in future to be a bit quieter on blogger
I've begun to use/abuse it as a way of attention seeking

On blogger I've been overly talkative which is not how God wants be to be

Proverbs 10:19 (New International Version)
When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise

You enetred in

You entered in
And told me You Loved me
Showed me a different way

I opened up
Like a flower
and You saw me
All my vulnerabilities
All my needs

I'll sit or kneel
And listen for You
I wait
I'm burning for You

Daddy
I'll wonder after You

just something

You came and saved me
Wiping away all the junk
I was changed from that moment
New outlook
and a Friend to be with me always

Laws You wrote
on the tablet of this heart
I'll find my name
on Your hands
I'm humbled
You gave Your Spirit to live inside of me

Your Spirit is my Counselor
Helping me
You made me free
I'm growing to know You
So much to learn

I Hunger for You so bad
I'll stay up all night to be with You
I want to get rid of my idols
So I won't be distracted from You
The Only One I can live for

I ask for Your Joy to come back to me
this heart beats for You
I need Your love
and Your affirmation
I want to hold Your hand
That I might have strength to carry on

I want to smile again
My Faithful Friend
But If I have to cry
Keep me burning inside
Though I want to fly
I'll crawl in the valley

Thank You for giving me discipline
But as for My heart
I depend on You to change me
In everything I look to You

Jesus, Jesus
All I am looks to You
Hopes, dreams
Take care of me

I love You

What God Did to me...

Thank You for Your Promises
You have given me Promises so I can trust in them
So that I may know my standing with You is Secure
My Hopes are set On Your Word
Thank You so much Your Word will never fail

When I was guilty, and unable to have a relationship with You
You Sent Your One and Only Son
to Remove all my guilt and shame
Humbled, I look to You now
You are my Lifeline
You showed me such grace

Your promise tells me that when I confess my sins
That you are faithful
and Forgive me them completely
and then Purify me from all Unrighteousness
I really can trust You in this
Faithful Faithful God

Then You Gave Your Spirit
and Poured Your Love over me
So I knew I was Your child
And I was comforted in You
You Gave me the Faith to Believe You

You Spirit shows me of my sin
And makes me see Your Righteousness
You Provide me with Strength to do Your will
And You make my heart burn for You
This new heart of flesh You Gave me

Teacher

The Lord challenges me on all sides
testing my character
or lack of

My teacher
I couldn't pray
You helped meGiving me a model to pray by
and Giving an example of how to be a holy living sacrifice to God
I need to learn to go that extra mile
and to do so with a smile
to put others first.

i want my heart to be true
my secret motives to Glorify God
but deep inside, i feel like I put myself at the centre
seeking praise and affirmation
but man's praise is so empty
so are his words

I want to be real and honest
a true reflection of God's character
marked with integrity
I want to trash my selish ambition
and rotten attitudes
leaving them forever at the foot of the cross

I want to start now
embarking on eternity
living out the Righteousness
that God gave me
such precious Righteousness
Jesus my precious security

When unsure of my standing
I will take Your hand
and courageously trust in Your Love
And rest in Your Promise

I want to quit winging
about how hard the Christian life seems
But I'll be glad to share in Your suffering
You're the One who died for me

Thank You for sharing
such heartfelt intimacy
that You would be my Friend
My God
You Guide me

I'm so glad You'll never go away
You always Reign
In times of deparation
I realise, You are my Only Hope
"Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.
John 6:68(New International Version)

mountain top view

I used this for something else
but I thought I'd put it on my blog as well

thinking of those times when you reflect on God... and how He has Carried you in life
thinking of standing on the mountain top musing over where God has Taken you...
my heart marvels gently, peaacefully, quietly
and a gentle smiles breaks on my face...
as my heart gives thanks for the intimacy You bless me with

Thank You Lord for such times,
on that mountain top breathing Your fresh air,
and reflecting on the Journey
You have Walked with me on.
I ask for clear vision to see that view,
and Thank You for Your Presence that Guides my thoughts so I can wonder at what You have done and the miracles You are delicately articulating in my life.

You're always so Good... My King
Who Walks with me always

God bless, n' lots of love
: )

recently

Hey guys and girls,
The biology trip went well. We were looking at things that live by the sea shore - both plants and animals (like shells).
There was some really great weather as well - thanks to God for the sunshine.
Ecclesiastes 11:7
Light is sweet,
and it pleases the eyes to see the sun.
(New International Version)

...I like Ecclesiaties, it's such a great book, as with all the others in the Bible.
Sometimes I get really het up over things, then I open this Bible the LORD has given me, and find His Word balancing me and calming me.
He lifts my head when I get down

back from biology trip

just though I'd say I've been back now for a little while
and I've got somethings on my mind I'd like to write about
but I'll leave them a while first
until such time as God helps me articulate them in a helpful way

A poem about how God disciplines and refines us

You are such a Personal God
You reveal to me Who You are
I have cracked before Your shocking Love
and broken into tears before You

You have taught me You are faithful
You have worked wonders and fulfilled dreams
that I was powerless to do myself

You have reminded me of Your forgiveness and grace
when I hated myself for my sin
and You have cherished me as a Son
How Great is Your Love
that reaches on High
and Yet to the depths of who I am
that You have crowned me as YOUR child

Yet this is also true
You make Yourself Known
Every facet of Your character
Your Word brings terror
and teaches me that to You respect and obediance are due...

I am learning...You are no pushover
Instead You are fearsome
Oh You know how to terrify me
so my whole being is quickned with fright
You teach me that You are God
Awesome, above all power
and to be greatly feared

Psalm 90:11
Who knows the power of your anger? For your wrath is as great as the fear that is due you.
(New International version)


Your power is without limit
and Your Soverignity dictates
The LORD does what He pleases
and His Power extends beyond the grave
He could send me into hell with a word...

Psalm 90:3
You turn men back to dust, saying, "Return to dust, O sons of men."
(New International version)

Yet You choose to be so gracious
You are patient and compassionate
Very great kindness You have poured over us
Preserving our lives
and Leading us to walk in Your steps
Correcting our hearts
Making us like You
So great is Your Love

So may we take heed of these things
And not forget Your kindness
May we be thankful for Your grace
and Live each day for You
Thank You for the strength You have given
So that we may be free from sin
And live to serve and obey Your Voice
And kneel before You
facedown in worship
before Your Majesty

Psalm90:12
Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
(New International version)

Above me You are exalted in perfect and trembling Majesty
Below I hang my head to the ground
and I abhor my sin

There comes a time
when You deal with me severely
and mold me with Your powerful hand
such that despite my tears I cannot resist
I am forced under Your rule
You tear the wickedness from me
And rebuke me for my sin
Yet this is because You care
And want me to be honouring to You
Thank Your LORD

2 Corinthians 13:2-4
I already gave you a warning when I was with you the second time. I now repeat it while absent: On my return I will not spare those who sinned earlier or any of the others, since you are demanding proof that Christ is speaking through me. He is not weak in dealing with you, but is powerful among you. For to be sure, he was crucified in weakness, yet he lives by God's power. Likewise, we are weak in him, yet by God's power we will live with him to serve you.
(New International version)

When You chastise me
You overcome me
and fight with terrifing power aganst my rebellion
Although it hurts so bad
I thank You for it
Destroy my rebellion
It is my enemy
My oppressor
Fight against it LORD
with Your mighty hand

and teach me to Respect and Fear You for it
Thank You that You are not weak in dealing with me
You are God

10 things I love

Guess what...?
I've been "Tagged"
this is a new thing to me, but it's something that's been going round the blogs, whoever's tagged has to write about 10 things they love
- thanks to Lilaidi for tagging me, : )
Check out who I've tagged at the bottom of this post!!!!

Here's ten things I love...

To be in a place where I feel at rest and content in God, where I'm quietly joyful, smiling inside, becuase I know He accepts me...even me!!! as His own son, and I know He loves me and cherishes me as such.

I love to know that God is pleased with me for something I have done. It's just I have a habit of taking this too far, developing an attitude where I refuse to accept that God is pleased withme unless I have done something deserving. At the end of the day I can't please Him without faith... not that my deeds don't please Him, but they only do when they are acts of devotion out of love for Him, knowing that He already favours me.
The good I try and do goes nowhere in terms of Saving me, it's only a mark of God's Work in me to change me and make me a witness to the world of how amazing He is.
:)

To feel that God delights in me and smiles watching me. God is so lovely, sometimes in the midst of the day, I just get reminded that He has been watching me and watching my heart, that He understands where I am at and that He is smiling over me... which is reall cool

To have a really good conversation with someone about Jesus and for them to see that He really loves them. This always brightens up my day, and makes me smile.

When God encourages me when I've been feeling low. I love it when I've been feeling real rubbish, and when God breaks my silence and brings me words of love, reassurance and encouragement. I am so silly with this one though...sometimes I deliberately allow myself to get depressed or find a reason to be angry at myself just so that God can come and rescue me once more. I'm such an attention seeking, affirmation seeking little kid that needs to grow up sometimes. THAT'S A REALLY BIG - "I NEED TO GROW UP"

I love to share the encouragement and comfort that Gof has brought me with someone else who is hurting or feeling lonely, and to be with them as they get a smile back on their face and know they are loved.

To be used to reach out to my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I love it when somone empathises with me (that's me being an attention seekier again)

To cry before God about something (yup I'm a real emotionalist)

To feel I've achieved something (I'm not sure if this one is so healthy!!)

Well well well...
that was interesting. I think I'm quite insecure really. I've been thinking about that for the last day or so. I'm so dependant on knowing I've been a success somehow.
I'm a bit concerned really, because I want my faith in God to be strong enough that I don't go searching for affrimation or acceptance because I am secure and rested in the knowldge that God has blessed me with these.
I want to be strong in Grace and rooted in Love, so that I can be steadfast and perseverng in my walk with God

Time and again I see how quickly I loose trust in God's acceptance of me and love for me. So I turn back to legalism that I can never fulfil until I feel rubbish again.
Then God comes and sits with me,
takes me by the hand,
and gently,
in trust
He helps me to by feet,
encourages me
and sends me out once more to live for Him.

The cycle goes on and on, and I wonder If I'll ever grow up and just get on with life instead of worrying about where I stand with God all the time.
The thing is (and I noticed this today) when I decide to trash my legaalsitic side, I leave behind any sense of healthy discipline also. So soon enough I'm not meeting priorities (like doing my revision) and I get concerned about it.
Over time I'll get more and more upset with myself for not meeting priorities until I reach a point where I really hate myself over it. So I get really angry, and slam back into legalism to try and force myself to live appropriately. I feel I've displeased God by not working hard at school or whatever, and so I try (hopelessly) to redeem myself by imagining that God is commanding me... like an army officer, and that I have to obey every single last order in order to be on okay terms with Him.

Then at some point, God actually speaks. When that happens it's like recognising the voice of a beloved friend, who you are pleased to see and treasure beyond anything or anyone else.
He is loving and understanding, although firm...
I feel broken inside and so silly, yet knowing that God cares for me regardless - which only make me want to cry. All I can think is how Wonderful God is. Then I want to write poetry about God and His encouragement and Counsel.

I want then to share that with the whole world. And for them to really knoww that God is intersted in them - who they are as a person.
That God understands who they are inside and He made them for a purpose.
He knows how you work and how you think
He knows what you enjoy and what you hate
He came to earth, The KING of all creaton, came to this earth...
was spat on and wipped
and insulted and mocked
by His own creations who so arrogantly despised Him

He didn't retaliate, but loved them deeply
He had come to save His people whom He had made
and to wash them clean from all their sin that had ruined them
and make them new
and give them real life...

And He paid the price for you with His own blood
Because He loved you then 2000 years ago
and the same Jesus still cares about you now

This is the God that I am in love with
Anything good you see in me
any commitment
any kindness
any sacrifice
any desire to know God

is all birthed from Him
it is Him living in me and through me
Who Works in me to will and act according to His good purpose (as the Scripture says in Philippians 2:13 [New International Version])

wow that's been a long post

I Tag

1. LUKE
2. NIKKI
3. SARAH BRAY

Stilled in Counsel (to be read slowly)

How many times I have come to You
So angry
So frustrated

In You is stillness

You understand
Compassionate, Yet Balanced
You Bring a Word in Season
Instructing me
Gently and in Wisdom
Teaching me something important
Restoring my balance
And guiding me firmly

In my despair
You watched with a Wise Compassionate heart
You understand with strength
and Counsel with Wisdom and Firmness
over time

You teach me what is really Important
And instruct me in the right way to go
"This is the Way you are to live"

Yet You Love me with a Sincere love
that Protects and lasts
and You don't forget me
And You teach me not to forget others either
You mature me and chastise me
You rebuke me and refine me
Making me like how I am supposed to be

Thank You for Fathering me
And treating me as a son
And teaching me to Fear You
Thank You for Your Daily Bread
Staple and balanced
You are Genuine and real
When the music Fades
You never leave

When Your Presence falls
I have been stilled
and contented

This is what The Soverign LORD, the Holy One of Israel says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, In quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.
Isaiah 30:15
New International Version

Thank You Jesus

exams

Hey everyone
wow, it's been so long without a post

Anyway, I'm on study leave for my exams at the moment, so although revising, I will have some extra time to post. I bursting with things to share.
A friend asked me to put the dates of my exams up on the blog, so people can pray,
So here they are:

Friday 20th May - Chemistry Practical
Monday 6th June - Biology
Wednesday 8th June - Chemistry
Friday 10th June - Physics
Tuesday 14th June - Key Skills

I really appreciate people praying, it means so much, and reminds me of God's amazing gift of of His family and the love they share. So thanks loads to anyone praying - don't forget to pray for Luke's exams as well. I think Ashley has exams also, but I don't think he has a blog.

I just thought I'd say, If you've got loads of stuff on your mind and to pray for, then don't worry too much about adding this one to your list of prayer requests...
I know it seems like a silly thing to say, but I think it's important to know that God had placed specific people on our hearts to pray for, and we can't pray for everyone. So don't worry about it
: )
God Bless to everyone
Love you loaaads and loaaads
Hope you're having ok weeks as well

"Do not be afraid, little flock...*
God knows your hearts
and your dreams...
He knows you deeper than you know
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. **

*Luke 12:32 (New International Version)
**Matthew 11:28 (NewInternational Version)

Thank You

Thank You for Your acceptance
loving reassurance
Your gentle hand on my shoulder
and the words of Love You speak

Your Words more than follow me
they surround me as I walk
and Your joy burns gently inside me
I smile because I know I am loved by You
Thank You for having compassion on me
I fall to my knees

When I fret
You are the One Who, gently soothes

I sit and wonder
I think about how special You are
how precious You are
My life giver
and One Who makes my life special

You change my desires
and impress on my heart
You make me broken for people
and You have given me a heart for your work
I've never had this before...

I cry over things
Because of You

then You send me out
yet You are still with me as I go
to tell of the wonders of your love
and to encourage the weak
and love and comfort those who feel alone
to bind broken hearts
bring joy to the joyless
to bring out smiles for You
to restore people who've been broken

I want people to be hungry for You
and that they would see what You have done to me
and look to You
I want to share the love You have showed to me
so I can be a blessing

You are such a beautiful wonderful God
the gentle cherisher of my heart
Who knows what is best
Who is very wise
and Who is very patient

Thank You Jesus for everything You did
and for all You are doing
and for what You will do

When I glimpse You
I cry
tears fall
through the blurr
I see incredible love
And my heart quivers inside
Oh that the world could see

Such Holiness

a little prayer

I want to seek You
and get things right
I don't want to be discouraged in the fight
Thank You for Your grace when I stumble
Thank You for Your family who are so loving

Thank You for Your strength
to help me in this fight
the fight to live for You
and shine for You

I want to hold my tongue
and love people, even when it hurts
I want to loose my life
and serve You and others
I want You to be the centre
not me
I want You to be pleased with me

I look to You
I look to You

Dusty days

Hello everyone
hows' life for all of you?
I'm not sure what to write today at all
I want to write a poem, but I'm not feeling that poetic.
lol
who knows...
I'm thinking at the moment about the phases and seasons we all go through in our walk with God.
Each one presenting it's own lessons to be learnt.
Though sometimes, like today, I don't feel like I'm really going anywhere. Today has felt like just a day in itself, without any real direction or breakthrough.
What is supposed to be happening?

Dusty days
the atmosphere stays still
my mind inside always looking for the next step
Where am I travelling?
What next will I learn about You God?

Here things feel dry
I feel I should be achieving something
or making an impact
but I'm stuck in the desert
far away from any horizon
stuck with myself

So I sit here
Picking at my faults
And think they are the reason why I feel so null
I get absorbed in my present state
Forgetting about Your purpose and Your plan

All I feel is where I am now
I'm frustated and annoyed
I question myself
Why can't I love people more?
Why am I so argumentative?
Why am I so lazy?
Why am I not enthusiastic now?
Where is my drive?
My passion?

I want to flow like a river
A strong river for You
But I sit here in the sand

Time passes
Inside my stirring thoughts wear themselves out
and I am wearied
Weak from my questions

Then in silent love
You help me look up
And then I see
All this while You are the same God
You've been watching over
As I've worked myself up over so many things

I wonder at Your thoughts
What are they?
I've been seeking inspiration
and energy
but sometimes I've looked to myself
I been wanting hear Your voice
But I've been so lost in my own thoughts
Where is the poetry, the vibrance?
I want to blossom for You

...But... I know You are there anyway...
King of Peace
And I know I am always in Your heart

Even though I can't always feel it
I know Your beauty shines
And Your love thrives
Your are alive despite the dryness
Delightful beauty
You are Teeming with Life and Light
I'm delighted in Who You are
Your wisdom prevails and lasts always

All of these blong to You

Holy Majesty

No matter what noise gets in the way
When it fades,
When my thoughts fade
You are still true

In this dryness
I can still rejoice in You
Because You are God anyway
And You always regin
From Heaven above with Absolute Power

May Your Kingdom come
...however I feel
May Your will be done
You great and faithful planner of my days
And of the days of the whole Earth

My eyes may not be lighted to Your purpose
But Your purpose still stands
And is surer than the rising of the Sun

Your do not forget the scheme of things LORD
And Your know what will come to fruition
You know when we'll break camp
And when we'll walk into the promised land.

My feelings do not always reflect the future
But Your Words command everything
The future is Yours

So I will not fret with these moments
when nothing seems to happen
Because You are the Alpha and the Omega
Meaning is Yours
My feelings are temporary
Your are Eternal
In You I will rest

God of all seasons
Thank You God
Awesome God

These thoughts...

Sorry I havn't posted in so long everyone
things have been so busy
with school work and stuff

I hope things are going well for everyone.
I'm really struggling with what to write today
I want to write about something I struggle with
Something I cannot understand and cannot fight
But something which God never-the-less delivers me from

I get these thoughts all the time in my head
thoughts that command obediance
but I'm unsure if it really is God.
Thoughts that condemn unless I can find a Biblical basis for not obeying them
Thoughts that try and dictate eveything...
from the shirt I choose in the morning, to what I eat for lunch
To anyone reading - I don't know if anyone really understands this.
But I struggle with it all the time
I am rubbish at explaining it
and what I have written may not flow easily
and it might sound pretty messy.
Anyway, this is it

This is the pattern
This is my cycle

I walk, happy
gentle smiles
quiet joy
no anxiety, no worry

Then suddenly
A thought cries out in my head
who is this from I ask?
is this You God?
or is this the voice of legalism?

I cannot tell
I'm confused
I'm worried
I have been here before
but I have been caught out again

I obey the thought
I obey again and again
not knowing the speaker
the command becomes burdensome
Then I break away
I choose my own will instead
Yet I am not sure if or if not it was God who spoke
so I feel guilty
This is sin, because my action was not from faith

This is guilt
you smash me up
you steal my joy
you rip me apart
you entangle me and bring me down
you rob my zeal

you leave me crippled
discouraged
silenced
face in the mud

where has the enthusism gone?
I am weak, poor in spirit
I feel worthless
How can I do anything for God
I mess up everything I touch

Here I feel like a cripple, lying on my face

...

Then in my silence
You speak...
My Father, Daddy, God
Saviour, Lover...
You break my confused mess with Love and Truth

"I don't want you to be a cripple any more...
Get up and walk"

Thank You LORD that You want me to live
that You love me enough to heal me
Thank You for these words

How you understand me
Awesome are You
Author of Restoration
Author of my peace

Although my sickness confuses me
I cannot contend with legalism
But there is One who can

His Name is the LORD God Almighty
He is Wise, Faithful and True
He is unfoolable
He is Truth and speaks Truth
You understand me and my enemy
By Your truth You deliver me

Please make Your words part of me
Embed Your Truth in me
Now I want to hold to You tighter than anything in the world
Take me LORD
You are my Hope
my Vision
my Everything

Saviour, I know very little
but I know this
You are the one I look to when I cannot see anything
I do not understand this
But You always come through

You are my God

Psalm 139:23
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
(New International Version)

The LORD my Counselor

Hey everyone,
I would try and write more conventional post this week... but I'm enjoying writing poetry far too much. Thank You LORD for poetry.
I love how God gives us so many ways of worshipping Him and expressing ourselves. Yet sometimes it is really hard to express what we're feeling inside...
that can last for ages and it does hurt sometimes
but then God has a way of helping me let it all out to Him.

Sometimes that happens in prayer
sometimes in Church in worship
sometimes I just cry
or just smile
I've been thinking about expressing worship through painting as well recently
Now God's opened my eyes to the beauty of poetry.

Here's what I feel when I get home some days
on those days wher nothing much seems to happen
when things seem a bit motionless
The conversation between my heart and God's
(this goes on fairly long again)...

So here I am LORD
I come home from that world
that world - out there
It feels so sharp, so harsh at times
Maybe it's because it's a fallen world
or maybe...
it's me
weak and sinful me.

What am I to think...?

Well I havn't been perfect today LORD
I sinned there... and there as well
Thanks for loving me anyway
You're so good.

So I'm coming to You again, at the end of the day
I don't have any big thoughts today
nothing jumps out of my heart at the moement
I don't feel very inspired

Infact I feel a little weary, maybe a bit deadened.
Sin hurts God.. It hurts us both
Also when I loose vision of You - it feels really easy to do that
So I turn to You
... My Daily Bread
to keep me going
Thanks for being here for me when I get home
You the person I can always talk to
Thanks that I can trust in Your Salvation
Thank You for being my friend

You are so much more faithful than anything I know

As I sit here...
on my bed
or kneel on my knees
I forget the meaningless
and You fill my thoughts.

You capture me God
In that quiet place
You and me
You are like love all around me now
I'm like a kid in Your arms
Surrounded in Your sea of love

More than surrounded
but covered
more than covered
I feel complete in You
I want to dissolve in the flood of Love you give
Your love feels warm around me
not physical
It is deeper...
Your loves causes something deep inside

My heart responds
I am filled with words
I talk to you
I pray
I tell You what You have planted inside me

I know you smile and brim with love
As I pour myself out to You
Oh You God, My Maker
Maker of All things.

Wonderful Counselor
You help me connect when I can't
You speak Words to me to love me.
When I find it hard to be concious of You
You sometimes flood me like this
You are always the one who paves the way

You help me pray
You carry me

The same way it has always been
Right from the start
I couldn't find You
So You came to me
You showed me light and invited me in
You payed the price I couldn't
You work the wonders I can't
And share Your heart with me

You are true to Your word God

1 Corinthians 6:17
But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
(NewInternational Version)

You are so close here God
You are the author of creativity
and the author of expression
You are the author of my prayers sometimes God
The author of my hearts response

Wonderful Counselor
Noone like You
Not above
Not below
Only You know me LORD

You know these thoughts
these hurts
this quietness
this silence
...also this noise
this loud sound
this aching passion.

You know me in completeness
You are able to speak to me like noone else can
Able to truly comfort and restore

Your words are more than thoughts or sounds
they really are alive
They build me
and at the same time - soften me

...

As I sit here You lsiten once agin
You speak
You counsel me
You are my resting place
I can fall on You when I am tired
Thank You LORD
You are with me

I've got homework now
Another chance to worship You
Aaaragh, that hurts
I don't want to be lazy
I afraid I won't give myself completely to You
But Your grace will help me through

You are God
I love You God
Here I go
Work time...

The Word that makes things clear again...

This week I've been on half term (a one week mid term holiday)
Amongst relaxing and doing a bit of revision,
I've also been able to spend some really quality time reading the Bible.

Back a while... when God helped me see how important my school work and study was, I made alot of changes to where I spend my time. That's been really good but I still have a bit of work to do. One of the things being I've not got any set time for serious Bible reading.

Spending quality time in the Word has kind of become a "once in a while" issue. So I've got a little more unstable I guess, emotionally.
I've had a lot more ups and downs because my vision of where I stand with God has become more clouded in my own mind.
But God has used His Word over this half term to re-establish faith in me. To encourage and edify me.

So I've written this thing - bit like a psalm
It's seriously long - but hey - you don't need to read it all...

This is what Your Words are to me God...
They are what I crave when I waver, when I'm weak
They are the confidence I need
Steadiness birthed from faith
From the faith in You that comes from hearing Your Words
Your absolute Words that clarify...

They bring light to me
Life to me
Comfort and hope to me
Love to me.
Your Word is powerful.

You God, can arrest my swimming mind...
and take contol
You sort and sift my anxious thoughts.
They cannot resist Your grip
Givng me truth, understanding and peace
You decifer right from wrong
You bring definition and exactness

God I need Your absolute Word
I crave true revelation of You
It is bread to me
without knowledge of You, of who You are, of the love You share
I feel I will fall apart

...Without Your light I fumble in the dark
I cannot find You with my own thoughts
I cannot understand You on my own -
I hang on
hinge on
what You say

About You...
I want to know You in the now
More than that...I want to grow in You
I want consistancy - to walk with You LORD
You are always right
Always true
Always You
Yesterday and Today You are the same
Tommorrow You are already there, my constant
My Redemer lives and He is forever
Who can take Him away...?

Although I do not fully understand You yet...
You understand me LORD.
You hear my silent thoughts - even when I am too hurting to pray aloud.

When I don't speak You hear me
You hug me and You speak to me when I am angry with myelf.
You tell me You love me when I doubt You
You bring faith to life in me.

Authorship...
You are my author
You create life in me
You plant love in me for You
Whenever things get tough and I am brought down to basics
Then I see that You are the only one,
The only one who I can rely on

You are beautiful
You make my heart yearn after you
Like David I thirst for You, but...
I want to express that and live it out.

I want to be true to You always
I hate being imperfect...
so why do I follow imperfection at times..?
I want to be a worshipper

Althouth it's hard to see how I will get better
Although it can feel that I am consistantly sinful
Although I feel I will never improve...
Your love is greater and stronger!!!

This is what Your word says...
Philippians 1:6
being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
(New International Version)

But I know that You have done work in my life LORD
things have got better
You have been with me...

Thank You for starting something in me God
Thank You that You will carry it on to completion
Unitl that day when You come to get me LORD
I believe that You will come and get me one day
Even when it feels I am not good enough
I want to trust You still
Because You Jesus, have paid my debt and made me acceptable to God

Thank You Jesus
I need God's Words to hold onto
The Bible says this of You

John 1:14
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
(New International Version)

You are the Word
The perfect revalation of who God is
Thanks for being there - full of grace and truth

Devotion...

As a Christian what do I want to be...?
completely sold out
consistantly obediant
willingly obediant
devoted to serving God
How hard it is to live a life that is as beautiful as that.
Only Jesus captured that perfectly. He managed to live that life where we couldn't because of sin. He followed God's will over His own right to the cross where He took my sins onto Himself so I could know God. God must have such a massive heart for people to be willing to do that for us.

Now as a Christian, trusting in what Jesus did, I am called to clothe myself with Christ, and be His ambassodor to a largely lost world.
But sometimes I worry, how am I going to be able to emulate Jesus's devotion and commitment. It's something in my heart that I want to attain but is so hard at times. I want to be beautiful for God just like Jesus was.

Psalm 22 reveals something to me here...
Psalm 22 is prophetic of Jesus's crucifixion. Jesus's voice rings through the verses - it is a prayer to God capturing the heart of what was happening on the cross as Jesus hung there. As Jesus took the sins of the whole world onto Himself, He is spearted from God His Father because of them.

(verse 1) My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from the words of my groaning?
(New International Version)

Jesus is confused and feeling alone - feeling the pain that sin causes
The whole Psalm echoes what He is feeling and going through. It becomes so clear of just how vunerable and helpess and scared Jesus feeling without God.
Then in verse 10, He says this

From birth I was cast upon you;
from my mother's womb you have been my God.
(New International Version)

that phrase "cast upon you" is what grabs me
It paints a picture of absolute dependancy on God.
Jesus was like a baby dependant on God His Father for every last breath.
Every inner need for love, for strength, for affection had to be met by God. Without God, Jesus life ebbed - He was exposed confused and bewildered.

Here we get a glimpse of the depth and sincerity in Jesus relationship with God.
God was His life - His all.
I think this is what created such devotion in Jesus
At the centre of His devotion.... was dependancy

So in my life
The centre of my devotion myst be depndancy, of the same depth.
Obediance to God comes from depndancy of His love and strength.
Dependancy implies faith
So I need to learn to trust God and His words - and Hold to to them as holy above anything else.
God first... me not

God help me be aware of You always
I want to be depndant on You
I want to know You more
I want to know Your heart
I want to be cast upon You - unable to function without You

from forgiveness to compassion...

Hello to everyone once again

Just a short post today - sorry it's so late :p

Over the year and a bit since I became a Christian, since God grabbed a hold of me to be His child - I've had so many times when I've messed up and stuff. But God has always been there perfecting me and growing me.

Not only to be a better person, but also to know more of His love and forgiveness.
Whenever I get things wrong, it seems that every time God roots grace even deeper in me. Over time I've learn't so much more about how deep His love goes and about the intense compassion He has on me. I learn that there are many many areas where I am too weak to help myself or to see my God birthed aspirations come to life. God also roots in me a dependancy on Him - just like a baby is so completely helpless on it's own - so I am without God.

Through all of this I feel broken even more inside for other people. More than ever before I feel compassion for them where they are.
The other day I realised that what I want to impart to them... is only what God has shared with me. If I was to capture that it would be like this.

I would want to find someone who feels and thinks they are a complete loser. Someone who feels a failure, a reject, and looked down upon. Somene who's downtrodden and depressed.
- I'd get them and give them a massive hug

That's what I feel like God has done with me. And I want to let someone else know that God loves them in them same way.
I only feel so powerless to do that on my own. I can't soak someone in compassion to the point where they begin to cry. I know God can.
So I am driven into prayer for people - taking them to God and telling Him what is in my heart for them.
So here I am again - at God's feet once again - as always...
He is my God
He is who I turn to

Anyway - must go
God bless to you all

Painting a picture...

Let me paint a picture
A picture of a Father and His child
A 16 year old kid - and of His Saviour

This kid is someone who finds forgiveness a difficult concept
Someone who finds it hard to see the bright side
They spend so long trying to be perfect
Trying to be strong for their Saviour...

Their obsatcle is themself
Although their passion is birthed form God
They wrestle with self imperfections
The passion and dream inside is so hard to bring to reality
They feel so weak and yet want to do so much

They want to take on the world and see so many saved
But they find their own salvation hard to understand at times
Wanting to be at the finish line
But feeling to rubbish to run the race

Yet God calls them on
He does not hate them
But His heart burns with love for them,
Even though they don't always understand.

This God is broken over them
So much so that He gave His Son for them
to restore them to Himself
He holds them in His hand when they are about to fall apart.
He holds them close when they are too tired to think

His words bring clarity and exactness to their confusing mind
His love cracks the shell they are in
and their torn emotion and feelings spill out
they cry
and God holds them
This God doesn't leave them helpless

But sees that they are too weak to save themselves
in compassion He loves them still
He promises to sanctify them
To make them into His image
To make them like His Son.

This God doesn't give up on His children
He is the strength they don't have
He is their comfort in a sharp world
He is their truth when their are surrounded with lies.
He speaks truth to them and sets them free from their sin

This God is Holy and beautiful
But He is not afraid to reach out and touch those who are stained
He embraces them and makes them clean again

He lets them know that they are weak in themselves
But that He is with them
That they do not need to be strong themsleves
and indeed they cannot
But instead urges them to dependance on Him
Their only one
Their Lord
Jesus their light, their friend, their co-sufferer

This kid is me
This friend their Saviour is Jesus
The picture goes on
till next time...

Part of a family...

Hello people
Thought I'd let you know my sore throat is better which is cool. I did get a cough afterwards but now that is gone as well. So Thanks to God for making me better so soon.

I am excited at the moment. The reason being that about a week ago, I saw one of my managers from work (I work at McDonalds Friday nights and part of Saturday) wearing this hoodie - which said something about Christian Unions on it. That would be really cool because if she is a CHRISTian then I will have someone to talk and relate to at work. That is such a cool thing for me.

I haven't asked her yet about it - but it would be so so cool if she is. It's just the idea of having someone else from God's family in the same workplace, that I can hang with. It reminds me of just how good fellowship is.
When I became a Christian, I became part of a family as well. God's family is so different from any other club or family like structure.

There's something so special and right about being able to sit down with people and pray for them and encourage them in their walk with God... and also when they reflect the same to you by praying with you and helping you see the bright side when things are down.
This is what being part of church is like - and it is beautiful.
There's something so right about a family where people bear eachothers' hurts and yet share eachothers' happiness.
Where Jesus shines through relationships.
Where people are forgivings and understanding towards eachother.
Where people are patient with ach other and help teach eachother.
Where you can cry together when it hurts, and laugh together when things are good.

This type of family is so beautiful and so special - we should do everything we can to preserve it. Not only that but to keep building eachother up and encouraging eachother so that we all "reach unity in the faith" (as Paul [i think] put it).

I love church so much because of being able to be with people there. I love this blogworld as well because of everyone I can talk to and share with.
I think God shines through His church, as His people love and care for eachother. It's an amazing witness to the world.
Jesus' words hang with me here

John 13:35 (New International Version)
By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

There are so many times when I have felt discouraged and down, but it is through people belonging to God - those you are His children - that I have received encouragement and patience.
It's very easy on your own to get discourgaed by a whole host of things... not least our own sin which is so painful to have. I long to be perfect like my Saviour, but I am not there yet. When I sin I feel like I'm walking away from Jesus, the one who showed such kindness to me.
For that reson my sin is disgusting to me and I hate it.
But isn't it easy to hate yourself as well because of your imperfections and loose sight of the fact that God's love runs deep enough to overcome them.

Maybe you are in a horrible place where you can find it hard to trust that God's forgiveness is there for you, and that He really does love you. But remember that noone on earth is perfectly righteous and blameless before God on their own.
You may think that although everyone is under sin - some people deserve salvation more than others, because their sin is less than yours.
You might think that God is willing to forgive other people but not you.
To a person feeling like that, remember that Jesus is the one who said these words:

Mark 2:17 (New International Version)
On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

If you feel sick and weak because of your sin then Jesus is the very person who comes to heal you with forgiveness. It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. Jesus had compassion for the people who knew that they were lost in sin. Those who wanted to be cleansed believed Jesus and He cleansed them.

God encourages me so much through his family
People who remind me of truth of how God genuinely does care for me.
When people encourage me and care about how I am feeling.
When people pray with me and for me.
When people are patient with me as I struggle
When people bring prophetic words of encouragement, showing that God knows where I am and cares about how I am feeling.

This is deep love and brings me back to a place where I know God's grace and love towards myself - because it has been revealed to me through the body of Christ. In helping me know Christ more I realise more how my sins are covered by His blood and how I can appraoch God freely.
Peter sums this up beautifully

1 Peter 4:8 (New International Version)
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.


Hope that brings some encouragement to anyone reading. And if you are feeling down...
then have a pat on the back from me and know that God does not give up on those He loves.
And you can know God loves you by the fact that He sent His only Son - to remove your sins by giving up His life for you. God wouldn't give His Son for someone He didn't have time for.

God will not give you up just because you are still growing

Hosea 11:8 (New International Version)
"How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, Israel? How can I treat you like Admah? How can I make you like Zeboiim? My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused.

or again

Zephaniah 3:17 (New International Version)
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

God is mighty to save you. His arm is not too short to save. And He delights in His people. Isn't that an amazing thing to believe? Here is truth that you can trust in.

Psalm 149:4 (New International Version)
For the LORD takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with salvation.

God is the befriender of the depressed. He brings me through time and again when I loose hope. He is My God and My Salvation.