Calling...

Sometimes i really struggle with myself as a Christian

One of my biggest problems is that i struggle to simple "be" before God. Instead i feel have to peform and achieve constantly in order to be who i should be in Jesus.

I see so many christians (who no doubt have their own struggles) who are:
so much more sold out,
so much more devoted,
so much more focused,
so much more prayerful,

than me...

I see them and think, wow
Look at that... Look at me

So i feel like i've wasted so much time faffing around when i could be doing something useful for God. So i fall back into legalism. Imposing all sorts of rules on myself to keep me on track. It makes me feel safe.
But the downside is, i grow weary very quickly and cannot keep it up, so i take a break to relax and sooner or later i'm back where i was in the start.

I need to rely on God's strength. To know the fullness of His love. To know His grace that sets me free from legalism.

But sometimes i wonder, is this thing inside me that makes me want to have an impact for Christ -

Is that actually God's calling on my life?
That He wants me to persevere that little bit longer to build charcter so He can use me for other things
If so then i don't want to miss out on that.

But its all about getting that balance

Thanks for those of you that have been praying for me. Because i have been getting better.
I am no hero in any sense. But i want to Press on into Jesus.
I know God will take care of the small things once i get my sight and heart fixed wholly on Him.

I Thank God for all of you out there who are part of His family. I want you to know that. I love you all so much, and may God give me a greater heart for you.
And if Jesus is not your Saviour then i am not here to judge you. We are all who we are by the grace of God and not by our own effort. And Jesus died for you. So that you would be released form the punishemnt of your sins and failings.
May you find Him
Amen